Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My bed smells like the plague
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
