oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
