My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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