after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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