stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
