he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
