Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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