What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
