I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
