So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
