bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
