why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
