Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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