It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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