Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
