During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
