i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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