haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
there is glitter all over my balls
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
