Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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