i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
