i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
