the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
