How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
