I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
