Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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