You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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