batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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