I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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