I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
