go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize