Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
