I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize