so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
