Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
