You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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