How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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