a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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