maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
