Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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