textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
