If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
