Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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