And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
