Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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