Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
