I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
