just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
