look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
