Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
