I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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