So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
