hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize