Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
