I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
