At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
