is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
me + whiskey = a bad person
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
