i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
