my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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