I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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