did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
