hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
