I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's never too late to be topless.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
