1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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