sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
