i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
