I hate all girls vehemently.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
